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May and June have not been kind to me.

I was planning to write a post on how the past twelve months have been so productive: six titles published! And another one well on the way to being finished before then end of the calendar year.

But these last few weeks have been brutal — I can’t help but wonder what forces are moving against me.

If you read this blog regularly, you’ll know that about three weeks ago, I fell four steps on my staircase, landed on my heel, hyperextended my knee and completely tore out my quadriceps tendon, and broke a small bone behind my kneecap. That pretty much made travel impossible, other than to the hospital. I’m now in a leg brace, and will remain in it for at least another eight weeks.

If you’ve ever been in a leg brace or cast, you’ll know how impossible it is to bend low and pick up things from the floor. And how fraught are such activities as climbing stairs. Luckily, have taken the opportunity to do more writing. While waiting in the hospital for … well, whatever hospitals always keep you waiting for, I managed to finish the final draft of my new Lei Crime novella, Dead Man Lying. I also worked out the outline for the sequel to my first book, The Bones of the Earth. I’m calling the next part of the story of Javor, the seventh-century warrior, The Triumph of the Sky.

But I have found that little disasters get in the way of writing. After that hospital-bound spurt, I’ve been writing the same chapter for two weeks.

The gods of calamity are having a great time with me

The next problem was that the home WiFi network decided to go wonky. I called my ISP, Bell Canada, to fix it. Their first response was that it was all my fault.

Have you ever noticed that? Whenever you ask an IT person what’s wrong with your computer technology, the response boils down to this: “These computers would work just fine if you didn’t keep using them.”

Now, my main computer is in my home office. But because of the vagaries of how we use the Internet, the WiFi router is in the family room. So troubleshooting the network requires me to go back and forth from office to family room. It seems simple until you factor in a leg brace and crutches.

On my third hour-long call to tech support, the techie and I succeeded in completely discombobulating the WiFi network. That finally convinced Bell that we needed a technician to come and fix the problem professionally. A techie showed up and fixed the WiFi network, but disconnected all the telephone extensions. And none of the shows recorded on our PVR would play.

I called Bell again, and another techie showed up the next day — but not before a call from the dispatch office, who wondered why we wanted someone to come out when we had just had a service call. I had to convince “Jay” that it wasn’t my fault, and indeed, the phones did not work. “Then how are you talking to me right now?” Jay asked.

“You’re calling my mobile phone,” I answered, successfully suppressing the word “dumbass.”

Thankfully, the second technician managed to fix everything. It wasn’t hard — it’s just that the first guy was sloppy.

I know, first world problems

The same day the WiFi decided to stop working, the basement refrigerator, which we use for beer and less important things, just died. No warning. My wonderful wife opened it, noticed the light wasn’t on, and came back an hour later to verify that it was indeed getting warmer. We managed to stuff the essential contents in the main upstairs refrigerator, but tragically, the beer is not at the optimal temperature.

I’m not just sitting on my butt

One thing about me that drives my kids nuts is that I almost never do nothing. Weekends are opportunities to tackle home repairs and improvements, days off are times to move the writing projects forward, vacations are times to start writing a new book.

So while I’m at home dealing with this injury, I decided to take a break from elevating my leg (really, how can you spend all day sitting on your butt with one leg up in the air? It’s aggravating.) to look into why the toilet in the ensuite bathroom leaks water from the tank into the bowl. It seemed that the flapper, a rubber seal, had deteriorated. I sent my younger son, Super Nicolas, to the hardware store for a replacement.

He brought back the right one. It looks right, and according to all the hardware stores nearby, it’s the only one. By now, that toilet is old fashioned. And the new flapper just doesn’t fit properly. Water flows even faster because it doesn’t seat properly over the valve.

Time for a painful trip to the home improvement store

At the big box hardware store which I will not name (but rhymes with “Shalom repo”), the helpful plumbing “expert” recommended some parts. But when I got them home, I realized that I would need some other gaskets. When you take apart plumbing that’s 30 years old, you can’t expect rubber seals and gaskets to survive. So I had to go back the next day for yet more parts. The same “expert” recommended some that he said would be compatible.

So with my elder son, the Blond Ravin’, doing the heavy lifting and difficult wrenching, we went to work.

And found that the new parts weren’t really compatible. By that time it was well past closing time for Shalom Repo. So it’s one more day without that bathroom being functional.

The little fall

Oh, yah. I got the 34 staples taken out of my knee on Tuesday. That was a relief — when it was over. As the nurse pulled them out of my flesh with what amounted to hospital-style staple removers, I managed to grunt only three times. After she put iodine on the scar, she told me “This will sting.”

“I know,” I said through gritted teeth.

Eventually, the surgeon came by to pretend to look. He told me to start walking and putting my full weight on the injured leg, but keep the brace on for at least the next six weeks.

That’s what I was doing the next evening, spreading grass seed in the back yard. I lost my balance and went down. The pain in my knee spiked to 10 out of 10 for an instant.

Luckily, there doesn’t seem to be any extensive damage. No swelling and the pain isn’t unmanageable.

Enough, already

Okay, I get it. The deep powers of the universe have shown just how they can push me around. I hope they’re having a good laugh.

But all good things must come to an end.

Right?

Right?

“Good” always depends on your perspective.