Last week, I wrote about a common problem in many manuscripts: unnecessary details. This week, I move on to another common error: shifting point-of-view in fiction, also known as
Head-hopping
This term describes text that jumping between characters’ points of view (POV).
Let’s take a look at this, adapted slightly from a recent project to protect the innocent. This is the first meeting of the two principal characters in a romance novel.
Melissa didn’t know whether to swear or be thankful at having been right. It remained to be seen how the conversation went. “Come on. It can be a little tricky to find. I’ll show you where it is.”
“Do you need a hand? The parking lot is pretty rough,” Zane offered. He didn’t want to ignore the fact she was in a wheelchair. Neither did he want to offend her by simply assuming she needed his help, or that she didn’t.
“Thanks for asking. But I’ve got it. I’m used to it.” Melissa replied smoothly. She liked that his gaze hadn’t dwelled on where she sat in her chair, and wished she weren’t. As if she would have liked him assessing her without it.
“I can see that.”
Zane watched appreciatively at the muscles of her upper body working smoothly as she moved herself along effortlessly.
In that short passage, we experienced three changes of POV: starting with Melissa’s, and describing what she knows or doesn’t, then to Zane’s desire to not ignore Melissa’s wheelchair, back to Melissa liking where Zane’s gaze dwells, and then back to Zane again appreciating Melissa’s muscles.
Describing action through a character’s eyes is an excellent way to bring your readers right into the book, to make the story come to life. And when you show readers how they feel, not only do readers see through the character’s eyes and hear through their ears, they feel the tingle of fear, the thrill of action, the passion of love, themselves.
BUT when you switch back and forth between different characters with each paragraph, it threatens to make the reader dizzy.
Remember that readers might be reading your book on a bus or a train, or on a beach where there are distractions. It’s easy for them to lose track of whose eyes they’re looking through when you switch between characters this quickly.
Keeping each chapter to one character’s perspective—or at least, stay with one character for a long section. Switch POV only where it helps tell the story.
Don’t go it alone
If you’re writing a book, a play, or anything intended for the outside world, don’t try it without getting a second set of eyes on it. You can always email or message me with any questions: scott@writtenword.ca, no obligation.
And if you have finished your manuscript, please contact me about editing it before you take any other steps, like submitting it to a publisher or agent.
Mention this blog, and I’ll give you $100 off the editing fee.
Talk to you soon!